Erik the Viking

SETTING: Norway, the open sea, Valhala.

RATING: PG-13, FANTASY, ADVENTURE,COMEDY.

PLOT: Um plot? there was a plot? oh that plot.......um wait yeah trying to save mankind from itself...... Got it......I think.

QUOTE:Thorfinn Skullsplitter: Are you all right?
Ivar the Boneless: No, I'm not.
Thorfinn Skullsplitter: You don't need to feel bad about being sea-sick, you know.
Ivar the Boneless: How can you help feeling bad when you're sea-sick?
Thorfinn Skullsplitter: I mean many of the greatest sailors were.
Ivar the Boneless: I know. I know.
Thorfinn Skullsplitter: Olaf Tryggvason used to throw up on every single voyage... the whole time... non-stop... puke... puke... puke.
Ivar the Boneless: Look! I don't feel BAD about it. I just feel ILL.
Thorfinn Skullsplitter: He used to puke in his sleep.
Ivar the Boneless: Bastard.

THOUGHTS: I have WAY too many to write for this blog but I'll try to keep it simple....Try not to watch this film not as funny as they hoped. I actually found myself watching the movie my wife was watching. That movie starred Zoe Deschanel so it was WAY more interesting than Erik the Viking. DO NOT WATCH THIS FILM. Not that it is crude or disgusting, just...not...that...good

SYNOPSIS: the opening few scenes of the movie are actually the funniest this film gets and the subject matter of these scenes is not funny at all. Erik and his Viking buddies are pillaging a village, when Erik stumbles upon a woman alone and unsuccessfully attempts to rape her. after much ado about nothing (literally) Erik has run her through with his sword. It all goes down hill from here......blah, blah, blah. Aaaand they make it home with the bad guy dead and the world just as shitty as they left it.

CONCLUSION: there is no conclusion, you could live your whole life without it.

MY RATING: there is nothing less than zero right?

CHICAGO SUN TIMES (EBERT) ZERO STARS. Every once in a while a movie comes along that makes me feel like a human dialysis machine. The film goes into my mind, which removes its impurities, and then it evaporates into thin air.