Erik the Viking

SETTING: Norway, the open sea, Valhala.

RATING: PG-13, FANTASY, ADVENTURE,COMEDY.

PLOT: Um plot? there was a plot? oh that plot.......um wait yeah trying to save mankind from itself...... Got it......I think.

QUOTE:Thorfinn Skullsplitter: Are you all right?
Ivar the Boneless: No, I'm not.
Thorfinn Skullsplitter: You don't need to feel bad about being sea-sick, you know.
Ivar the Boneless: How can you help feeling bad when you're sea-sick?
Thorfinn Skullsplitter: I mean many of the greatest sailors were.
Ivar the Boneless: I know. I know.
Thorfinn Skullsplitter: Olaf Tryggvason used to throw up on every single voyage... the whole time... non-stop... puke... puke... puke.
Ivar the Boneless: Look! I don't feel BAD about it. I just feel ILL.
Thorfinn Skullsplitter: He used to puke in his sleep.
Ivar the Boneless: Bastard.

THOUGHTS: I have WAY too many to write for this blog but I'll try to keep it simple....Try not to watch this film not as funny as they hoped. I actually found myself watching the movie my wife was watching. That movie starred Zoe Deschanel so it was WAY more interesting than Erik the Viking. DO NOT WATCH THIS FILM. Not that it is crude or disgusting, just...not...that...good

SYNOPSIS: the opening few scenes of the movie are actually the funniest this film gets and the subject matter of these scenes is not funny at all. Erik and his Viking buddies are pillaging a village, when Erik stumbles upon a woman alone and unsuccessfully attempts to rape her. after much ado about nothing (literally) Erik has run her through with his sword. It all goes down hill from here......blah, blah, blah. Aaaand they make it home with the bad guy dead and the world just as shitty as they left it.

CONCLUSION: there is no conclusion, you could live your whole life without it.

MY RATING: there is nothing less than zero right?

CHICAGO SUN TIMES (EBERT) ZERO STARS. Every once in a while a movie comes along that makes me feel like a human dialysis machine. The film goes into my mind, which removes its impurities, and then it evaporates into thin air.

Man on Fire

SETTING: Mexico City during the the escalated time of kidnappings within the city.

RATING: R, ACTION, CRIME, DRAMA.

PLOT: Creasy (Denzel Washington) is a down and out retired special forces living life one day at a time until Rayburn (Christopher Walken) offers him a job protecting a wealthy family in Mexico City.

QUOTE: Rayburn: A man can be an artist... in anything, food, whatever. It depends on how good he is at it. Creasey's art is death. He's about to paint his masterpiece.

THOUGHTS: the torrential struggle between Creasy and his demons has driven him to become quite the alcoholic, mmmm Jack Daniels....... Anyway the grainy texture to the film helps put the situation into perspective as you watch the revenge and mayhem ensue.

SYNOPSIS: Creasy is told about a job available in Mexico City, being a bum alcoholic the man has few choices and takes the job. Meeting Samuel(Marc Anthony) Creasy is offered the job but must meet Samuel's wifes approval, which without must chatter she hires him on the spot to protect her and their daughter Pita (Dakota Fanning.)
Pita becomes quite attached to the severely unattached Creasy. after much bonding the unlikely pair become fast friends giving Creasy a new reason to live. Here enters the conflict of our story, as you may have guessed Pita is kidnapped. At this point Creasy becomes the assassin he has tried so hard to contain.With his reason for living has been torn from his bloody fingers Creasy leaves behind a wake of blood and chaos behind him. With the help of Rayburn, Creasy pulls together an arsenal the would make Rambo jealous. with his new found horde Creasy runs the gambit from the lower eschalon to the upper limits of the local government. here ends my Synopsis of our tale, (I don't want to give away the firework finale.)

CONCLUSION: A must see for the action seeker in your house, and yes that would be me in our house. Denzel is superb in his part and Dakota is as cute as ever even in her grungiest.

MY RATING: for an action flick i give this film a 4 out of 5 for the cinematography, plot and use of FIREPOWER!

IMDB REVIEW: 3 OUT OF 10. A substandard revenge flick made somewhat palatable only by the star power and unforced charisma of its two leads.

Citizen Kane

SETTING: The life and times of Charles Foster Kane(Orson Wells), from 1871 to his death in 1941.

RATING: PG,  DRAMA, MYSTERY.

PLOT: A conglomerate of news hounds must try and find out the meaning of Kane's last word, "Rosebud."

QUOTE: Charles Foster Kane: You know, Mr. Bernstein, if I hadn't been very rich, I might have been a really great man.
Thatcher: Don't you think you are?
Charles Foster Kane: I think I did pretty well under the circumstances.
Thatcher: What would you like to have been?
Charles Foster Kane: Everything you HATE.

THOUGHTS (CAUTION POSSIBLE SPOILERS AHEAD!) : Suffice it to say, I LOVE black and whites a long lost art that now only a handful of daring directors will dabble in (I shan't ramble on about this point.) Citizen Kane is a historic treasure of superior art. All I ever remember from what I was told about this film was Kane looking for his sled "Rosebud." Quite the contrary it is everyone else searching for "Rosebud." How ironic the ending and the reality of Kane's precious "Rosebud."

SYNOPSIS: the movie begins as a news reel showing the various successes and failures of Charles Foster Kane ending 12 minutes later with the spotlight on his death and funeral. Please do not let the sound of this discourage you, this is an amazing story of one man's struggle to be on top. Owning more newspapers than any other, Kane moves into other spheres of industry.
the newsboys after viewing the reel decide that they need the meaning to the word Rosebud either it be a woman or a pet name for his mother. One man decides to be the one to find out what it means. Through a series of interviews with those close and loved by Charles Foster Kane. By the end of the feature no one has yet to discover "Rosebud.
Charles is a hard man throughout the film but as you contemplate the fact that these folks are searching for something so simple that meant so much to this man. you begin to realize the child within Charles Foster Kane. Oh and if you want to know who or what "Rosebud is.......watch the movie.

CONCLUSION: YOU HAVE GOT TO SEE THIS MOVIE BEFORE YOU DIE!! the feature is a wonderful representation of Orson wells the film is a must for all who mark themselves as movie buffs.

MY RATING: I rate this filom5 out of 5 for cinematography, simplistic yet complex storyline and of course Orson Wells.

T.V. GUIDE RATING 4 1/2 OUT OF 5.

Logan's Run

SETTING: a post-apocalyptic domed city in the 23rd Century.

RATING: PG, ACTION SCI-FI.

PLOT: the cliche of one man's struggle against the system. Thrown into chaos by his superior, Logan must become one of those he himself despises.

QUOTE: "Sometime in the 23rd century...the survivors of war,
overpopulation and pollution are living in a great domed
city, sealed away from the forgotten world outside.
Here in an ecologically balanced world, mankind lives only
for pleasure, freed by the servo-mechanisms which provide
everything. There's just one catch. Life must end at thirty
unless reborn in the fiery ritual of carousel."

THOUGHTS (CAUTION POSSIBLE SPOILERS AHEAD):
Quite possibly one of the worlds most amazing Sci-Fi movies EVER. The visual effects smack of crude from our point of view yet some what state-of-the-art for 1971. As far as the cast goes there are some top notch names, such as:
Michael York
Farrah Fawcett-Majors
Richard Jordan
Jenny Agutter
Roscoe Lee Browne

SYNOPSIS: Logan 5, a Sandman living in a domed city whose occupation is to chase down and eliminate all those looking for a way out. Logan and his companion roam the city somewhat obtrusive to the respect their position allows. Being that of a Sandman not many are willing to stand in their way.
the first few scenes show Logan 5 and Francis 7 staring at Logan's new replacement Logan 6, because all Sandmen renew. As they move toward Carousel (the death of those at the age of 30) Logan and Francis are called out to catch a runner. The battle which ensues leaving the unfortunate runner bagged and tagged for the clean up crew.
Evening shows just how much our future counterparts live only for pleasure. Logan dressed in his "Jammies" peruses through a wall mounted "transporter" for the purpose of a little consensual companionship. Finding out from the woman the heart of a runner, Logan is bewildered at the fact that she would choose to run rather than face Carousel.
Logan meets later with his superior to determine the identity and belongings of the runner when he is commanded to become a runner himself. Take the name and identity of a runner and play splitsville. without anyone knowing Logan tries to enter the dragon (so to speak.) through much toil and heartache Logan makes it to the outside. Now I ain't telling you anymore due to the fact that I ain't gonna ruin it no mores.....you can Netflix or Hulu this movie now that your tantilized by what you have read.

CONCLUSION: The story line of the movie is quite a heartstring twanger, yet not one to cry to. You begin to feel the struggle that our hero endures to the end and empathize with his plight as he truly becomes the hero in our hearts and minds. YOUR LIFE WILL NOT BE COMPLETE WITHOUT YOU SEEING THIS FILM!!

MY RATING: I rate this film 4 out of 5 for the outstanding use of scale models, visual acuity, and storyline.

CHICAGO SUN TIMES REVIEW (EBERT)3 OUT OF 5."Logan's Run" is a vast, silly extravaganza that delivers a certain amount of fun, once it stops taking itself seriously.